He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
