Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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