She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
