Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
