Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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