I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
