I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
no, he came in my armpit
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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