I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
