i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
