if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize