My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
