I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
