I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
