she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
