i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize