dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
