the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
