the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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