Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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