dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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