A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
