I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
