I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize