Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
