u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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