Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize