I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
