Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
