Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
