One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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