So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
