Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think my moral compass just broke
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
