Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
