my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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