Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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