I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
