it hurts more in the daytime
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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