She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
