he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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