sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
