and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize