I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
