I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize