Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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