It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
