Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
