i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
