nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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