i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
