I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
