So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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