I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
