I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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