Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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