I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
