please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
