do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
