Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
