She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
