How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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