i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
