Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
