Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
