today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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