I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
