He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
